you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
