I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
