Cold hands, warm shart.
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
