And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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