There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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