I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
