I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
