Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
