He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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