Where did you get a picture of my penis
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
