He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I look excited, but its just a facade.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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