Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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