nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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