The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
