just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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