whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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