I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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