erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
