We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
