i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
