The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize