he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize