I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
