i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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