is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
