I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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