that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
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