my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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