if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize
