Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
