Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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