I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
