I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
