Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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