Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You're a waste of cheezeits
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I pour the whiskey from now on
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
