do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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