I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
