false alarm. still invincible.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Randomize
