Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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