so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
how does that bad decision feel?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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