ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
