Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Randomize
