you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
