Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
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