Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize