I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
