I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
