you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize