im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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