no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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