i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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