Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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