the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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