Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Randomize
