How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize