This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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