Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
