i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
