Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
