I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
