Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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