I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize