i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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