I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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