Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
