Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
