I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
