Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
What happened to fro yo and sex?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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